Coffee Quotes – Funny Quotes

by Dan Harrington on March 23, 2011

Benjamin Franklin himself said, “Among the numerous luxuries of the table, coffee may be considered as one of the most valuable.” The founding father than added, “It excites cheerfulness without intoxication; and the pleasing flow of spirits which it occasions…is never followed by sadness, languor or debility.”

Andy Rooney On Coffee

“There are sixteen cans of coffee here,” grouched the cantankerous Andy Rooney adding, “together they hold a total of thirteen and a half pounds of coffee. Doesn’t that seem like cheating?”

They Would Ask Bella Abzug To Get Them Coffee!

It was the esteemed Bella Abzug who said, “I began wearing hats as a young lawyer because it helped me establish my professional identity.” She added, “Before that, whenever I was at a meeting, someone would ask me to get coffee.”

Jack LaLanne On Waking Up With Coffee

“Do you know how many calories are in butter and cheese and ice cream?” asked workout guru Jack LaLanne in disbelief! “Would you get your dog up in the morning for a cup of coffee and a donut?”

Conan Takes On Starbucks

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups,” joked the late night talk show host Conan O’Brien adding, “The very first one will say, ‘Jesus! This cup is expensive!’”

Coffee Brings Serene Delight

“In a sad world, and especially in a country like ours, recently and constitutionally deprived of wine,” stated the Boston Transcript in 1923, “the function of coffee in bringing serene delight is an important one.”

Funny Quotes About Coffee – Enjoy!

Late Coffee and Oranges in the Sunshine

“Complacencies of the peignoir, and late, Coffee and oranges in a sunny chair,” wrote Wallace Stevens adding, “And the green freedom of a cockatoo, Upon a rug mingle to dissipate, The holy hush of ancient sacrifice”.

Cold Coffee Is Intolerable Said Orson Welles

“There are three intolerable things in life,” wrote the honorable Orson Welles, adding “cold coffee, lukewarm champagne, and overexcited women.”

Coffee Quotes – Funny Quotes

Coffee – Inspirational Or Boring

“Many people claim coffee inspires them, but, as everybody knows,” wrote Honoré de Balzac adding, “coffee only makes boring people even more boring.”

Efficiency Means Not Missing Coffee Break

“I am very efficient at work,” someone once said during break time, “In fact, I have never once missed a coffee break.”

Terry Pratchett’s Comments On Coffee

“Coffee was only a way of stealing time,” said Terry Pratchett in Thud, “that should by rights belong to your slightly older self.”

Coffee Intoxicates The Brain

“A certain Liquor which they call coffee,” wrote G.W. Parry in 1601, “which will soon intoxicate the brain.”

Start Your Day with Some Great Coffee Quotes!!

Gustave Flaubert Says That Coffee Induces Wit

“Coffee: Induces wit. Good only if it comes through Havre,” declared the revered Gustave Flaubert adding, “After a big dinner party it is taken standing up. Take it without sugar  -  very swank: gives the impression you have lived in the East.”

People Are Similar To Instant Coffee

“Many people are like instant coffee,” someone once opined adding, “the minute they get in hot water they dissolve.”

Caffeine,” someone once said, is “the other Vitamin C.”

Dipping Your Sugar Lump Into Your Coffee

“Sugar is always served with coffee [in France], usually in large lumps, and it is not bad manners,” it was stated in the Gourmet Traveller written by Pamela Vandyke Price in 1974, “though certainly informal and not to be done at a luncheon or dinner party – to dip the corner of a lump of sugar into the coffee and then eat it. To do so is to ‘faire le canard.’”

Nauseous Puddle Water

“Coffee leads men to trifle away their time, scald their chops, and spend their money,” said the Women’s Petition Against Coffee in 1674 adding, “all for a little base, black, thick, nasty, bitter, stinking nauseous puddle water.”

Very Hot And Strong Black Coffee

“Black coffee must be strong and very hot; if strong coffee does not agree with you, do not drink black coffee,” said Andre Simon, “And if you do not drink black coffee, do not drink any coffee at all.”

Enjoy These Funny Quotes About Coffee

Drinking Coffee for Three Hours – And Still It’s Not Over

“I’m generally never at a lack for words, but it’s indescribable how poor the response was from our own government officials,” said Hannibal adding, “We could have coffee for three hours and never get through all the horrors I’ve seen. Where was the help when we needed it?”

Mass Marketing In the Coffee Industry

“I believe that the American coffee industry is doing itself irreparable harm by mass marketing mediocre coffee at a low price,” said Edward Bransten in 1969 adding, “I think that what is happening today in the coffee business is just a foreshadowing of the eventual indifference of the total American public to the world of coffee drinking.”

Coffee Quotes – Funny Quotes

Voodoo Priests, Espresso, and Religion

“The voodoo priest and all his powders were as nothing compared to Espresso, Cappuccino, and Mocha,” said Mark Helprin in Memoir from Antproof Case in 1995 adding, “which are stronger than all the religions of the world combined, and perhaps stronger than the human soul itself.”

Coffee Is An Exhilarating Beverage

“In most households a cup of coffee is considered the one thing needful at the breakfast hour. But how often this exhilarating beverage, that “comforteth the brain and heateth and helpeth digestion” is made muddy and ill-flavoured!,” wrote Janet McKenzie Hill in Practical Cooking and Serving in 1902 adding, “You may Roast the berries “to the queen’s taste,” and grind them fresh every morning, and yet, if the golden liquid be not prepared in the most immaculate of coffee-pots, with each return of morning, a new disappointment awaits you.”

What Would Ozzy Say?

“There’s people outside our house; you get followed by photographers,” whined Jack Osbourne, adding “you can’t go out and have a cup of coffee with a friend without someone coming up to you.”

“Coffee,” said the prolific Samuel Goldwyn, “is not my cup of tea.”

Enjoying Salt In Your Coffee

“But there are people who take salt with their coffee,” some anonymous person once said adding, “They say it gives a tang, a savour, which is peculiar and fascinating.”

I Only Want Coffee!

“I don’t want anything better,” declared Captain Janeway in Voyage: The Cloud, adding, “I want coffee.”

Extending the Use of Coffee Over Time Predicted

“The use of [coffee] will probably become greatly extended,” predicted Benjamin Moseley in 1785 adding, “as in other countries, it may diffuse itself among the mass of the people, and make a considerable ingredient in their daily sustenance.”

Coffee and the Powers of the Mind

It was the renowned Sir James Mackintosh who stated that “The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportional to the quantity of coffee he drinks.”

“Nothing’ll make a father swear before the children,” said K. Hubbard, “quicker than a cup of poor coffee.”

Fuchsian Functions – Proving Them With Coffee

“For fifteen days I struggled to prove that no functions analogous to those I have since called Fuchsian functions could exist; I was then very ignorant. Every day I sat down at my work table where I spent an hour or two,” said Henri Poincare in his Science et Methode adding, “I tried a great number of combinations and arrived at no result. One evening, contrary to my custom, I took black coffee; I could not go to sleep; ideas swarmed up in clouds.” Poincare continued, “I sensed them clashing until, to put it so, a pair would hook together to form a stable combination. By morning I had established the existence of a class of Fuchsian functions, those derived from the hypergeometric series. I had only to write up the results which took me a few hours.”

Ah the Sweet Qualities of Coffee!

“A cup of coffee-real coffee-home browned, home ground, home made, that comes to you dark as a hazel-eye, but changes to a golden bronze as you temper it with cream that never cheated,” wrote Henry Ward Beecher in Eyes and Ears adding, “but was real cream from its birth, thick, tenderly yellow, perfectly sweet, neither lumpy nor frothing on the Java: such a cup of coffee is a match for twenty blue devils and will exorcise them all.”

“Coffee in Brazil is always made fresh and, except at breakfast time, drunk jet black from demitasses,” said Bob Brown and Cora Rose in South American Cookbook (1939) adding, “first filled almost to the brim with the characteristic moist, soft coffee sugar of the country, which melts five times as fast as our hard granulated.” Brown and Rose continued, “For breakfast larger cups are used, and they’re more than half filled with cream. This cafe con leite doesn’t re-quire so much sugar as cafe preto-black coffee.”

Waiting for Instant Coffee

“If you want instant coffee,” said the excited Barista, “you’ll have to wait.”


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