Funny Quotes – Best Coffee Quotes

by Dan Harrington on March 19, 2011

Savor These Quotes About Coffee!

The Honorable Winston Churchill and Poison Coffee

“If I were your wife I would put poison in your coffee,” said the Lady Nancy Astor, and to this the esteemed Winston Churchill replied, “If I were your husband I would drink it.”

Coffee and Slopkettles – English Pamphleteers

It was the English pamphleteer William Cobbett who wrote, “Free yourself from the slavery of tea and coffee and other slopkettles.”

The Germans Know Their Coffee

Coffee and love are best when they are hot.

German Proverb

Hemingway Enjoyed His Cafe Au Lait

“It was a pleasant cafe, warm and clean and friendly,” wrote Ernest Hemingway. “I hung up my old water-proof on the coat rack to dry and put my worn and weathered felt hat on the rack above the bench and ordered a cafe au lait,” continued Hemingway, “The waiter brought it and I took out a notebook from the pocket of the coat and a pencil and started to write.”

Coffee, Dilutions and Time

Tobacco, coffee, alcohol, hashish, prussic acid, strychnine, are weak dilutions the surest poison is time.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Coffee Beautiful in Capacious Bowls

“Liqueurs were not lacking; but the coffee especially deserves mention. It was as clear as crystal, aromatic and wonderfully hot, wrote Jean-Anthelme Brillat-Savarin in the Physiology of Taste, adding, “but, above all, it was not handed around in those wretched vessels called cups on the left banks of the Seine.” Brillat-Savarin continued, “but in beautiful and capacious bowls, into which the thick lips of the reverend fathers plunged, engulfing the refreshing beverage with a noise that would have done honor to sperm-whales before a storm.”

Coffee and the Heart of Rock and Roll

“Rock’n’roll,” said Bob Geldof, “is instant coffee.”

Coffee at a Luncheon Party

“Sugar is always served with coffee [in France], usually in large lumps,” wrote Pamela Vandyke Price in France for the Gourmet Traveller in 1974 adding, “and it is not bad manners – though certainly informal and not to be done at a luncheon or dinner party – to dip the corner of a lump of sugar into the coffee and then eat it. To do so is to ‘faire le canard.’”

Coffee Changes as You Cross the Border

“You can tell when you have crossed the frontier into Germany,” the witty Edward II once said, “because of the badness of the coffee.”

Savor the Fragrance of Gourmet Coffee in the Morning

The morning cup of Café Nair is an integral part of the life of a Creole household. The Creoles hold as a physiological fact that this custom contributes to longevity,” said the Picayune Creole Cook Book in 1901, “and point, day after day, to examples of old men and women of fourscore, and over, who attest to the powerful aid they have received through life from a good, fragrant cup of coffee in the early morning.”

Mocha Stirs Up the Blood said Talleyrand

“Suave molecules of Mocha stir up your blood, without causing excess heat; the organ of thought receives from it a feeling of sympathy,” said Talleyrand, adding that “work becomes easier and you will sit down without distress to your principal repast which will restore your body and afford you a calm, delicious night.”

Coffee, Politics and Half-Shut Eyes

“Coffee, which makes the politicians wise,” wrote Alexander Pope in 1712, “And see through all things with his half-shut eyes.”

Coffee As a Necessity – Curdles the Cream

“During the war one accepted indifferent after-dinner coffee as a necessity,” wrote Constance Spry in his Constance Spry Cookery Book in 1956, adding “but when, after the war, one sought to find the coffee remembered of days gone by, one found disappointment. I was looking for the rich after-dinner coffee that literally curdled cream if anyone was foolish enough to spoil it with cream.”

Coffee Provides Time to Think says Gertrude Stein

“Coffee is real good when you drink it gives you time to think. It’s a lot more than just a drink,” said Gertrude Stein adding “it’s something happening. Not as in hip, but like an event, a place to be, but not like a location, but like somewhere within yourself.” Stein adds, “It gives you time, but not actual hours or minutes, but a chance to be, like be yourself, and have a second cup.”

A Papal Poem About Coffee

“Last comes the beverage of the Orient shore, Mocha, far off, the fragrant berries bore,” wrote Pope Leo XII adding “Taste the dark fluid with a dainty lip, Digestion waits on pleasure as you sip.”

Coffee and Tobacco and a Man Can Suffer Any Hardship

“Give a frontiersman coffee and tobacco, and he will endure any privation, suffer any hardship,” said U.S. Army Lieutenant William Whiting in 1849 adding, “but let him be without these two necessaries of the woods, and he becomes irresolute and murmuring.”

The Problem Is When I Have No Caffeine!

“I don’t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without caffeine!”


Coffee Provides Serene Delight

“In a sad world, especially in a country like ours, recently and constitutionally deprived of wine” it was written in the Boston Transcript in 1923, adding “the function of coffee in bringing serene delight is an important one.”

Mamas Forbid Your Children To Drink Coffee

“It is the duty of all papas and mammas to forbid their children to drink coffee, unless they wish to have little dried-up machines, stunted, and old at the age of twenty. I once saw a man in London, in Leicester Square, who had been crippled by immoderate indulgence in coffee; he was no longer in any pain, having grown accustomed to his condition, and had cut himself down to five or six cups a day.”

Jean-Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

Coffee Shop People – Get A Job!

“Television is not real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.”

Bill Gates

Savor the Gourmet Coffee While You Can

“Life is too short for bad coffee!”


Coffee Is As Sweet As Love

“Black as the devil, hot as hell,” wrote Charles Maurice de Talleyrand (1754-1838) adding, “pure as an angel, sweet as love.”

Mark Twain Laments the Woes of Turkish Coffee

“Of all the unchristian beverages that ever passed my lips, Turkish coffee is the worst,” wrote Mark Twain in The Innocents Abroad (1869) adding “The cup is small, it is smeared with grounds; the coffee is black, thick, unsavory of smell, and execrable in taste. The bottom of the cup has a muddy sediment in it half an inch deep.” Twain goes on, “This goes down your throat, and portions of it lodge by the way, and produce a tickling aggravation that keeps you barking and coughing for an hour.”

Have Your Coffee, Then Laugh with Clark Gable

“I never laugh,” said Clark Gable, “until I’ve had my coffee.”

Having Coffee with the President of the United States

First Lady Laura Bush noted that “We always get up about 5:30, and George gets up and goes in and gets the coffee and brings it to me, and that’s been our ritual since we got married.” Mrs. Bush added, “And we read the newspapers in bed and drink coffee for about an hour probably, reading our briefing papers.”

Stop and Smell the Gourmet Coffee

“Come on, don’t you ever stop and smell the coffee?”

Justina Chen Headley in North of Beautiful

Coffee is Good for Removing Vapors from Your Brain

“Moderately drunk, coffee removes vapours from the brain, occasioned by fumes of wine,” said he 1699 treatise England’s Happiness Improved adding, “or other strong liquors; eases pains in the head, prevents sour belchings, and provokes appetite.”

The Virtues of Premium Coffee

An old Dutch saying proclaims that “Coffee has two virtues: it is wet and warm.”

Dutch Saying

Missing the Coffee from Casablanca

“Thank you for your coffee, seignor,” said Ingrid Bergman in Casablanca adding, “I shall miss that when we leave Casablanca.”

Black, Hot and Bitter Coffee

“Blacker than a moonless night. Hotter and more bitter than Hell itself… That is coffee.”

Ace Attorney Phoenix Wright – Godot

Coffee Makes You Witty and Swank!

“Coffee: Induces wit. Good only if it comes through Havre.” said Gustave Flaubert, adding “After a big dinner party it is taken standing up. Take it without sugar – very swank: gives the impression you have lived in the East.”

The Romance and Community of Gourmet Coffee

“We would take something old and tired and common – coffee – and weave a sense of romance and community around it,” said Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz adding, “We would rediscover the mystique and charm that had swirled around coffee throughout the centuries.”

Coffee Helps with Talent, but Prayer Also Helps!

“Coffee is good for talent, but genius wants prayer.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

A Cup of Coffee and a Cigarette, Noted Yogi Berra

“When I think of Joe in the dressing room, it’s always with a cup of coffee and a cigarette,” said Yogi Berra. The baseball legend added, “He was a heavy smoker. He was a great ball play. Joe always wanted to win. He was great on the field and off it.”

Spilling the Coffee Beans with Terry Pratchett

“Who shall I shoot? You choose. Now, listen very carefully: where’s your coffee?,” said Terry Pratchett in Monstrous Regiment adding, “You’ve got coffee, haven’t you? C’mon, everyone’s got coffee! Spill the beans!”

Coffee and the Job You Never Got

“I can’t sit around having coffee,” said Eva Marie Saint adding, “I have all these appointments, and a lot of my friends sit around having coffee talking about the jobs they didn’t get.”

Brewing Up the Coffee the Decade’s Main Compromise

Erma Bombeck said that “Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade,” said Erma Bombeck adding, “It’s the only thing ‘real’ men do that doesn’t seem to threaten their masculinity.” Bombeck continued, “To women, it’s on the same domestic entry level as putting the spring back into the toilet-tissue holder or taking a chicken out of the freezer to thaw.”

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